Milestone Musings on Mission/Purpose

I am sure that a lot of the soul-searching I've been doing recently is because I am approaching a milestone birthday. I find myself looking back on the choices I've made in my life, taking inventory, thinking about the things I am proud of and the opportunities I still have. I am looking forward to the next part of my life and in typical fashion I'm worried that I may not have time to complete everything on my list of things to do and see. I'm not a big worrier, but I do I love life and don't want to waste a minute of what's left of mine.

I have been reading a book about the stories we tell ourselves about our lives and how we can write new stories for ourselves that will take us where we want to go. Our destinies do follow our lives, not the other way around. The story we tell ourselves and others about ourselves is what creates our life. It's a book that discusses the power of story.

And it's a book that is causing a personal crisis for me.

Here's the thing. The author says that once you define your purpose - what really matters - that everything else can fall into place. And he says that whatever it is, it should be able to motivate you to walk across a plank 175 feet in the air, wind gusts or no gusts, seven days a week, no questions asked. It's the wind in your sails, the yeast in your bread. And I am having a crisis because I am not sure I can identify that thing in myself.

What's wrong with me?

The author of the book, Jim Loehr, suggests that you imagine what you'd like to hear at your eulogy or to have carved on your tombstone. For some people it's to make their parents proud, for others it's to be the most successful earner in their social circle, for others to seek out adventure and risk. He uses purpose interchangeably with "ultimate mission" and describes it as the thing that constantly renews your spirit, that motivates you when nothing else can. I don't seem to be able to land on one thing.

I think it was Steven Covey who suggested you make a statement about something you want to do and then ask why and keep asking why until you get down to that underlying purpose. When I try to do that, I end up with a bunch of whys. It doesn't strike me as having the focus I'm supposed to have with this ultimate mission. A tiny little voice in my head suggested "maybe I'm over-thinking this." I quashed it and began looking around the internet for ways to find my life's purpose. Mary Jaksch suggested that I answer 15 questions such as what would you do if money were no barrier? and what would you do if you knew you couldn't fail? Another blogger suggested that I write "what is my life's purpose" at the top of a blank piece of paper and then keep answering it over and over until something resonated. All of this seemed like a waste of time.

Then I found Dr. Susan Biali.

A couple of years ago Biali wrote a blog for Psychology Today (check it out) and her confession in it sounded so familiar that I couldn't believe it. When she says "[i]f you're blessed with tons of different ideas or talents, celebrate them rather than bending to pressure to 'just pick one'" I can feel it resonate through my entire being. It's exactly the problem I am having with this book. I am like a kid in a candy store when it comes to life. There are so many choices I can't seem to settle down on just one. How can I possibly reconcile things like writing songs/screenplays/fiction/blogs, helping my son grow into a good man, playing guitar, cave conservation and exploration, being a good partner, motivating sales people, world travel and natural farming (I'm currently thinking bees....)?

Biali suggests that you should embrace all the different things you know. Give yourself room to try on the different interests and ideas you have. Some will stick and some will naturally fall away. For her, living her way into her passion and purpose has been the process, not honing in on one thing.

And that helps me answer the question for now because I think I am starting to have an understanding of what matters to me in this moment: to continually learn and grow. I have always been a curious person who takes things apart in my mind. It's one reason I was such a good interviewer when I did radio. I like learning how things and people tick, and then placing that in the context of my own life to make me a better person and hopefully more able to share it with others. I do really want to do my part to make this a better world. I have done a lot of things in my life. I have had so many blessings so far and I don't see that ending anytime soon. I am so thankful for everything that I've experienced in my life, good and bad. (You bet, I'll take them both!)

Maybe it's no wonder that a Charles Schultz cartoon I read years ago has continued to stick in my mind and always brings a smile to my face. In it, Charlie Brown is talking to Linus and mentions someone being 21 years old. Linus replies "don't be ridiculous, no one lives to be that old!" Or does that many things.

And yet, here I am.

Teachable and Teaching

Over the weekend, we had the opportunity to attend the Backroads Birthday Bash & KDHX Benefit at Focal Point in Maplewood Missouri. While we didn't stay for the entire show and I didn't have a chance to say hello to all of my former colleagues, we did have the opportunity to hear seven songwriters (six local and one regional) and they were a treat. It was great music and as usual, I learned something along the way.

For me, it's always inspiring to see what other songwriters are doing. After seeing Rodney Crowell recently, I went home and wrote the entire first draft of a song (music, lyrics, rhythm) in about ten minutes. And yesterday I landed on a rhythm and chord progression for a song that had been dogging me for months - all because I heard Lyal Strickland (the regional songwriter at Saturday's benefit) play something with a similar style. I was fooling around with the technique and my songwriting partner said "yes! That's exactly what w-w-w-dot [the name of one of our songs] needs!" And she was right.

I've started to teach guitar to a friend's teenager. It's a good opportunity for me to reinforce what I know and to share it with someone else. I think I'm also going to be learning all the things I only half-learned when I was teaching myself to play the guitar, like the notes on the frets in standard tuning, scales and the Nashville Numbering System. So far, the teen seems to like my teaching style. At the end of our second lesson yesterday I gave her a song to learn for next week, which I think is farther faster than she got with the two other guitar teachers who came before me. I think this is going to be a win-win.

By the way, my songwriting partner and I still haven't heard anything back from the Bluebird Cafe, but no worries there. We might not be ready yet and even if we are, for us this is really a year for staying more local and honing the craft, in terms of both the writing itself and performing our songs in front of a live audience.

Favorable Critiques Don't Hurt

My songwriting partner and I are members of NSAI (Nashville Songwriters Association International) and one of the membership benefits are a number of song evaluations. Over the past year that we've been members, we've sent a few of our songs in and received really helpful critiques. In the past three weeks or so, we sent in several songs all at once and based on the results, I think we're better songwriters than when we began.

The trend is less about fixing what's wrong with the songs and more about what might make them more marketable for country. We've also found that as we've tweaked our songs to improve them based on the feedback, that people who listen to our songs seems to be responding more to them and connecting with them in a way that wasn't happening before.

So this weekend, we are auditioning once again for Sunday Writer's Night at the Bluebird Cafe. Having done this once before makes me feel as though I'm better prepared this time around. And honestly, I think the songs are better, so I'm hopeful. I'm sure that I'll blog about how it goes.

What A Year 2010 Has Been

This has been the year of the iPad introduction, the passing of JD Salinger and the results of another census that will inevitably redistribute seats in the U.S. House of Representatives. We said goodbye to Eddie Fischer and "hel-LO (again) Betty (White)!"

I have more irons in the fire than I've ever had before and time seems to be just flying. I've continued to write music with my co-writer and I've spent less time on the three women script (but have actually found some time to work on it). It seems as though it has been especially challenging to complete projects this year. We took a trip to Juneau AK last month and had a lovely time. Definitely plan to go back - much more hiking to do than we had time available. So I guess the challenges applied to my travel as well this year!

As the year of the golden tiger winds down, I'm feeling as though I want the year of the metal rabbit to be the year of wrapping up open projects in writing and music. Since the year of the rabbit is traditionally associated with family and home, artistic pursuits and diplomacy, I'm hopeful that will be the case.

The year so far is a lot like a whirling dervish, with speed, nonlinear travel, and chaos. Is that what's supposed to happen in the golden year of the tiger?

I have been writing songs with my songwriting partner. Some are pretty good and some are pretty awful. I believe the more I write, the better they will be. I ended up upgrading my ancient notation software to Sibelius First. It's an impressive program so far, but I will probably end up needing full Sibelius before it's said and done. Mostly because Walt Aldridge turned me on to DADGAD tuning and my compositions haven't been the same since because I love writing in that open tuning and I want to be able at some point to use a hex pickup to directly write into Sibelius. Sibelius First can't handle anything other than standard guitar tuning. :(

That said, I haven't forgotten about the three woman script (who am I kidding? As if those characters would let me!) and I've been sneaking little bits of it in here and there. It's just that the things with deadlines turn into the squeakier wheels. As long as I'm moving it forward, I consider all of it progress.